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SIGN UPPOLYAMORY GLOSSARY
Polyamory and ethical non-monogamy (ENM) are broad umbrellas. People use the same words differently depending on culture, community, and personal values. This glossary is meant to give you a clear starting point — not to prescribe a single “right” way to do relationships.
Tip: When you see a term you like, try using it in a sentence such as, “When you say X, what does that mean to you?” Shared definitions create smoother communication.
Language note: This glossary aims to be inclusive of different genders, orientations, and relationship structures.
Consent and sexual health conversations are essential. Risk tolerance is personal; choose agreements that match your comfort level and revisit them as circumstances change.
Aftercare
Intentional emotional/physical care after intense experiences (sexual, emotional, kink, big talks) to help everyone feel safe and grounded.
Agreements
Mutually made understandings about how you relate. Agreements are consent-based and revisable, unlike one-sided rules.
Anchor Partner
A deeply significant partner who provides steadiness or emotional grounding; not necessarily hierarchical.
Aromantic
Experiencing little or no romantic attraction; aromantic people may still form committed partnerships.
Asexual
Experiencing little or no sexual attraction; asexual people may still enjoy sex or have intimate relationships.
Attachment Style
Patterns in how people connect and seek security (e.g., anxious, avoidant, secure) that can show up in poly dynamics too.
Autonomy
The ability to make your own choices in relationships while considering others through consent and care.
Boundaries
Personal limits about what you will or will not do. Boundaries describe you, not what others must do.
Boundary vs. Rule
A boundary is self-directed (“I won’t ...”); a rule is other-directed (“You can’t ...”).
Calendar Sharing
A practical tool for scheduling time among partners; often paired with clear expectations about availability.
Closed Polyamory
A poly relationship where the group agrees not to add new partners for a period of time or indefinitely.
Code of Conduct
Shared expectations for respectful behavior in a polycule or community, especially around consent and conflict.
Cohabitation
Living together. In poly, cohabitation choices can affect time, privacy, and power dynamics.
Comet
A partner you see infrequently (due to distance or life logistics) but still feel strongly connected to.
Communication Check-in
A regular time to talk about feelings, logistics, and relationship health before issues escalate.
Compartmentalization
Keeping parts of life separate (partners, friend groups, details). Can be healthy when consented to; harmful when used to hide.
Compersion
Happiness for a partner’s joy or love with someone else.
Consent
Freely given, informed, enthusiastic agreement that can be withdrawn at any time.
Consent Culture
A shared commitment to asking, listening, and respecting boundaries in all relationships and spaces.
Constellation
A relationship network where partners have different levels of connection and frequency, like stars in a pattern.
Couple Privilege
Advantages a long-standing couple may have that can unintentionally marginalize newer partners.
Cowboying/Cowgirling
When someone pressures a partner to leave polyamory to become monogamous with them.
Cuckquean/Cuckold
A kink dynamic involving arousal from a partner with others; not inherently polyamory (and may be separate).
Cuddle Puddle
A consensual group cuddle hangout; always requires clear consent and comfort checks.
DADT (Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell)
An agreement where partners avoid details about outside relationships; often criticized for limiting consent/connection.
De-escalation
Intentionally changing a relationship to be less entwined (e.g., less time, less commitment) while still caring.
Define the Relationship (DTR)
A conversation clarifying what a relationship is (or isn’t), expectations, labels, and intentions.
Demiromantic
Experiencing romantic attraction primarily after a strong emotional bond forms.
Demisexual
Experiencing sexual attraction primarily after a strong emotional bond forms.
Disclose
Sharing relationship status or relevant info (like existing partners) early enough for informed consent.
Dom/Sub
A consensual power-exchange dynamic (dominant/submissive). May exist within or outside poly relationships.
Double Date
Two couples or partners dating at the same time; in poly it might include metamours or separate dates.
Dyad
A relationship between two people.
Emotional Labor
The often-invisible work of managing feelings, reassurance, planning, and conflict resolution.
Emotional Monogamy
Expecting romantic exclusivity even if sexual openness exists; may or may not fit your values.
ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy)
An umbrella term for consensual relationship styles involving more than one partner.
Enmeshment
When lives become deeply intertwined (money, housing, identity). Can be lovely, but can also reduce autonomy if unexamined.
Entanglement
Practical and emotional interdependence (shared lease, kids, finances, routines).
Equity
Fairness that considers different needs and circumstances, not necessarily identical treatment.
Escalator
The traditional relationship path (exclusive dating, moving in, marriage, kids). Poly folks may choose parts of it or opt out.
Evolving Agreements
Revisiting and updating agreements as circumstances and relationships change.
Exclusive
Only seeing/dating one person. In poly contexts, “exclusive” should be clarified (sex? romance? time priority?).
Fair vs Equal
Equal means the same; fair means appropriate to the needs and context of each relationship.
Fluid Bonding
Choosing to have sex without barriers (e.g., condoms). This requires clear STI risk agreements and communication.
Found Family
A chosen community of close relationships that provide belonging and support beyond biological family.
FWB (Friends With Benefits)
A friendship that includes sexual intimacy; can exist within poly and ENM.
Gatekeeping
Controlling access to a partner or decisions through power rather than consent (often seen via couple privilege).
Ghosting
Ending contact without explanation. It can be especially painful in ENM where networks overlap.
Green Flags
Signs of healthy poly practice: clear communication, respect for autonomy, consistent follow-through, and kindness.
Group Chat
A shared messaging thread among a polycule; useful for logistics, but not a substitute for direct conversations.
Handfasting
A commitment ceremony used by some couples/triads; meaning varies by culture and personal practice.
Hard Boundary
A firm limit that, if crossed, changes what you will do (e.g., end dating, pause sex).
Hard Launch/Soft Launch
How publicly someone shares a relationship. A soft launch is limited visibility; a hard launch is fully public.
Hierarchy
Structuring relationships with different levels of priority or entanglement (e.g., primary/secondary).
Hinge
In a V relationship, the person dating two people who are not dating each other.
Holiday Scheduling
Planning around holidays to balance traditions, family expectations, and partner time fairly.
Honesty
Truthfulness that supports consent. Honesty is not the same as oversharing; it’s sharing what impacts others.
Hotwife/Hot Husband
A consensual kink dynamic where one partner enjoys the other having sex with others; not automatically polyamory.
Informed Consent
Consent that includes relevant facts (existing partners, risk changes, time constraints) so others can choose freely.
Integration
How much partners are included in each other’s lives (friends, family, events). Integration should be negotiated, not assumed.
Intent vs Impact
You may intend no harm, but the impact still matters. Accountability focuses on impact and repair.
Intentionality
Making relationship choices on purpose rather than by default, including time, commitments, and communication.
Jealousy
A complex emotion often involving fear of loss, insecurity, or unmet needs. It can be managed without shame.
Kink
Consensual activities outside mainstream sexual norms. Kink and polyamory can overlap but are separate concepts.
Kitchen Table Polyamory (KTP)
A style where metamours are friendly and comfortable socializing together.
Labelling
Choosing relationship labels (partner, girlfriend, nesting partner). Labels should serve clarity, not control.
LDR (Long-Distance Relationship)
A relationship where partners live far apart; poly LDRs often rely on strong scheduling and communication.
Limerence
An intense infatuation/crush state that can mimic love; useful to recognize during NRE.
Love Language
Ways people give/receive affection (words, time, gifts, acts, touch). Useful shorthand, not a rulebook.
Love-Bombing
Overwhelming attention or promises used to create dependence or bypass boundaries; a red flag in any dating style.
Margin of Safety
Buffers in time/energy to avoid overbooking and burnout across multiple relationships.
Metamour
Your partner’s partner.
Monogamish
Mostly monogamous with limited, negotiated outside connections.
Mononormativity
The cultural assumption that monogamy is the default or superior relationship model.
Mutual Aid
Support shared within communities (rides, resources, childcare, emotional support) without transactional expectations.
Needs
Core requirements for wellbeing in relationships (e.g., honesty, time, affection). Needs differ from preferences.
Nesting Partner
A partner you live with.
Nesting Privilege
Advantages a live-in partner may have (default time, shared space) that can disadvantage others without intention.
Non-Hierarchical Polyamory
Aiming not to rank relationships by importance, while still acknowledging practical constraints (housing, kids, etc.).
NRE (New Relationship Energy)
Early-relationship excitement that can distort time/attention; best balanced with existing commitments.
Open Relationship
A relationship that allows outside romantic/sexual connections, typically with defined agreements.
OPP (One Penis Policy)
A restrictive rule limiting partners based on gender; widely criticized as sexist and controlling.
Outing
Revealing someone’s ENM status without consent. This can risk safety, jobs, or family relationships.
Overnight
Spending the night with a partner. Many agreements focus on overnights, so define expectations clearly.
Parallel Polyamory
A style where metamours have limited contact; relationships run mostly separately.
Paramour
A romantic partner; sometimes used playfully or poetically.
Partnered Single
Someone who has partners but maintains strong independence; sometimes overlaps with solo poly.
Polyamory
Consensually loving more than one person, with honesty and care.
Polycule
A network of connected partners and metamours.
Polyfidelity
A closed multi-partner relationship where members agree not to date outside the group.
Polysaturated
At (or beyond) your current capacity for additional relationships, time, or emotional bandwidth.
Polysaturation
The overall level of relationship capacity you have at a given time; changes with work, health, and life demands.
Primary Partner
In hierarchical structures, a partner with higher priority or entanglement; definitions vary and should be explicit.
Privacy
Keeping personal information contained. Privacy differs from secrecy because it doesn’t remove others’ ability to consent.
Privilege
Unearned advantage (e.g., couple privilege, legal privilege via marriage) that can shape relationship power.
Processing
Talking through feelings to understand them. Processing is not the same as persuading someone to change.
Queerplatonic Partner (QPP)
A committed, non-traditional partnership that may be deeply intimate without fitting romantic/sexual norms.
RADAR
A structured check-in format used by some poly folks (Review, Agree, Discuss, Action, Reconnect).
Radical Honesty
A communication approach emphasizing truthfulness; best paired with kindness, consent about timing, and emotional safety.
Reassurance
Support that helps a partner feel secure (words, touch, clarity). Best when balanced with self-soothing skills.
Red Flags
Warning signs such as coercion, broken agreements, manipulation, boundary-pushing, or disrespect for autonomy.
Relationship Anarchy (RA)
A philosophy emphasizing autonomy and custom agreements over default labels or hierarchies.
Relationship Menu
A list-style approach to discuss what you want together (sex, romance, cohabitation, etc.) rather than assuming.
Relationship Smorgasbord
A tool for choosing which relationship elements you want together rather than defaulting to the escalator.
Renegotiation
A conversation to update agreements, responsibilities, or expectations when reality changes.
Repair
Steps taken after harm: accountability, apology, changed behavior, and time.
Rules
Restrictions placed on others’ behavior. Rules often create resentment unless carefully consented to and revisited.
Safer Sex
Practices that reduce STI risk (barriers, testing, risk conversations).
Safer Sex Agreement
A shared plan for barriers, testing, disclosure timing, and risk tolerance across partners.
Scheduling Burnout
Exhaustion from overbooking time/energy. A common poly challenge that improves with realistic capacity and rest.
Secondary Partner
In hierarchical structures, a partner with less entanglement or priority than a primary partner.
Secondary Trauma
Stress experienced when supporting someone through hardship; boundaries and support systems matter.
Self-Soothing
Skills to calm yourself during anxiety or jealousy (breathing, journaling, support network).
Sex-Positive
An attitude that views consensual sexuality as healthy and not shameful.
Sexual Health Plan
Your shared approach to testing frequency, barrier use, disclosure timing, and risk tolerance.
Shielding
Keeping partners separate to reduce conflict; can be healthy or a sign of avoidance depending on context.
Situationship
An undefined connection with emotional or physical intimacy. Clarity helps prevent mismatched expectations.
Soft Boundary
A flexible preference that might be renegotiated depending on circumstances, unlike a hard boundary.
Solo Polyamory
Practicing poly without seeking a primary-style escalator relationship; prioritizing independence.
Spacing
Intentionally leaving time between dates/partners to decompress and avoid emotional whiplash.
Stag/Vixen
Swinging terms for a male partner who enjoys his female partner playing with others (stag) and the female partner (vixen).
STI Testing Window
The time between exposure and reliable test results varies by infection; discuss with a clinician for your plan.
Swinging
A form of consensual non-monogamy focused on recreational sex, often as a couple activity.
Table Talk
Direct conversations among metamours/partners to clarify expectations, logistics, or conflict—only with consent.
Throuple
A casual term sometimes used for a triad; some people like it, others find it minimizing.
Time Scarcity
Limited time is a common stressor in poly; healthy planning and honest capacity are key.
Transparency
Sharing relevant information for consent. Transparency does not require sharing every detail.
Triad
A three-person relationship where each person is connected romantically and/or sexually.
Triage
Prioritizing what needs attention first during conflict: safety, clarity, then deeper processing.
Triangulation
Pulling a third person into conflict to avoid direct communication; often harmful in poly networks.
Unicorn
Typically a bisexual person sought by a couple, often with unequal expectations; the term highlights common power imbalances.
Unicorn Hunting
Seeking a third partner to “join” a couple under restrictive terms; widely critiqued due to power dynamics.
Unmet Needs
When core needs aren’t being met, jealousy or conflict may increase. Naming needs enables repair and change.
V Relationship (Vee)
One person (the hinge) dates two people who are not dating each other.
Veto
A policy where one partner can end another partner’s relationship; often seen as harmful to autonomy.
Visibility
How openly a relationship is acknowledged (public, friends, workplace). Visibility should be consensual.
Waves
Emotional ups/downs in poly; normalizing waves can reduce panic and reactivity.
Weather Report
A short check-in that shares your emotional state (“sunny,” “cloudy”) without demanding action—useful for quick clarity.
Withholding
Keeping relevant info that affects consent (e.g., new partners, sexual health changes). Different from privacy.
Worldview Compatibility
Alignment on values like honesty, autonomy, consent, and future goals—often more important than labels.
Z-List
A playful term some communities use for very low-priority commitments; if used, clarify to avoid dehumanizing anyone.
Zippering
A scheduling approach where partners alternate days or blocks; works best when capacity and needs are realistic.